Mission Freedom

Since my last blog, I have been going through what is called an “exacerbation phase” with the multiple sclerosis. This is not a relapse but an increase of symptoms….which makes me feel miserable. But I am kind of thankful it has happened because it confirmed some things and given me a good slap on behind to get out of procrastination.

I knew from previous experience with fasting, especially if it is for weight loss only, that once you stop fasting, you regain the weight. So if you are committed to a fasting lifestyle, you have to have a “back up plan” in case you stop fasting.

Now…I do not fast for weight loss only. My fasting journey is one of whole body transformation - the spirit, the mind and the body - and it has made a lot of changes in me…for the better.  And it is something that I plan on continuing for a while.

One thing I noticed with living a fasting lifestyle is that it teaches you to listen to your body more carefully and it teaches you self control. Things I was desperately lacking in my life….and still need to work on.

I hit a bump in the road because of the exacerbation phase I’ve been going through, and I was procrastinating in creating a back up plan. Instead, I chose pre-packaged meals. They were easy for me to cook but at a price.

It didn’t matter it I was in caloric guidelines or not because all of the fat, carbs, sugars, etc in the “fast foods” made me gain weight. By the first week of February, I had lost down to 270 and I was entering the exacerbation phase.

Now it is the 6th of March, and I have regained 15 pounds….and that was because I was fasting and I was eating alot of convenience foods. Foods that was quick and easy to prepare because I just haven’t felt good.

Lesson learned - create a back up plan.

So I am working on creating my own “convenience” foods and freezing them….that way I can avoid this bump in the road again!

The beginning of this year my doctor gave me orders to eat red meat with every meal, in addition to taking iron supplements, because my iron levels were really low.

Being new to raw foods and clean eating, I was not familiar with all the veggies that were good sources of iron and wanting to be obedient to the doctor, I stopped eating 75% raw, clean foods and added the red meat. BIG MISTAKE!

(Now I am not saying that you should not follow doctors orders….but you have to learn to listen to your body and use wisdom, along with the doctors advice, in making changes to anything!)

Within a week, I gained 11 pounds, my binge eating returned, and I felt more heavy than when I started.  I felt miserable. I didn’t want to workout. I was more depressed. I didn’t want to leave the house. I was back at square one……and I didn’t want to be there.

I started asking some of my raw food buddies over on YouTube, and they began to show me how green (especially the darker green) veggies were good for iron, and alot of other things. Now I like red met, but my body can’t handle that much of it any more.

So I went back to eating 75% and I am beginning to feel alot better.

Here is a picture of my recent weigh in:

When I started (or I should say, re-started) this journey back in November. I was at my highest weight of 325. Between November to January 1, I lost down to 295……

The first week of January, adding the red meat, cutting out the raw, clean foods, I went back up to 306.

Now I am down to 290!

I wish I had discovered raw, clean eating years ago…I would have saved myself a lot of heartache and health problems…but live and learn….and everything happens for a reason!

God bless you all!!!!

Fear controls me.

I know what I want to do and how to do it but actually doing it has been a problem for me. I am passive and lethargic when it comes to actually taking an active stance with my weight and health.  I see the same patterns creeping up in me that killed my mom and is stealing life from my grandmother….and I am scared.

I don’t want to be fat, alone and depressed.

For the past couple of months, I have been changing the way I eat. I practice intermittent fasting and I am 75% raw….and the weight is trickling off at a snails pace, and I find that I am “ok” with that. A trickling weight loss is not threatening. I’ve made a change in eating. Good for me but it is not so good that I am seeing drastic results.

I can change my diet all I want and will not lose very much weight because of my body, the PCOS and medications….I know that to see results, I have to get off my butt and start moving….and that is what triggers fear!

But what am I afraid of?

Change? Risk? Happiness? Discovering who I am? Scared of being attractive? Actually living life and not waiting to die?

Or maybe it is just stinkin’ thinkin’ that is controlling me. Beliefs about myself that I created for whatever reason. The truth of the matter is…I don’t like me…and when you don’t like yourself, you don’t make the necessary changes to get health.

I’m not sure where to start or even how to love me, but it is the next step on my journey if I really do what to change.

This morning I had a realization…I am turning 40 this year! **gasp** This is a huge milestone in the life of a woman…and I am 9 months away.

I also realized that up until now I have not been putting as much effort into changing my life and losing weight as I could have. It is a year later since I began the weight loss journey and I have only a yo-yo cycle of lose/gain 15 pounds to show for it, and my body is really tired of it!

So the way I see it, I have 9 months to begin the change….

• - change my mindset
• - change my body
• - change my life

Right now, I feel fat, alone and depressed…but these are things that I can change…regardless of situation and environment or my own excuses. I am feeling fat, alone and depressed right now but I don’t have to stay that way.

So what’s the plan?

For the past month, I have been easing into the fasted lifestyle…not for weight loss but for whole body transformation. I have been using the Fast-5 method, and more information about that can be found at http://www.fast-5.com.

I also learning about eating raw and eating clean.

Exercise? Since we don’t have a gym or anything like that here…I have a collection of various workout DVD’s and plus my handy-dandy rebounder. I started back with exercise this morning….and will be building up my endurance over the next few weeks. This morning I did only 10 minutes on the rebounder and felt like I was going to die! So I am really out of shape right now.

Anyway, I think that is about it for now.

God bless you all, and thanks for reading my blog!

Rita